How finding your people will transform your life

Why the right circle changes everything

Jul 21, 2025

Have you ever walked out of a room feeling smaller than when you entered? Like something inside you shrunk, even if no one said a word?

We all want to believe in ourselves.

But on the hard days, it helps to be reminded that we’re not crazy, dramatic, or asking for too much, that our values make sense and our dreams are valid.

The solution? Find your tribe.

Most of what we learn, we learn with and from each other.

Surrounding yourself with supportive, growth‑minded people isn't just a feel‑good notion, it’s fundamental to unlocking your potential and living a life that feels like yours.

You Mirror What You’re Surrounded By

We all know how children copy behaviours, but did you know adults do it too? We also copy, mirror, and adapt to the behaviours, beliefs, and habits of the people around us.

It's called social contagion, when ideas, emotions, and behaviours spread through our social groups, often without us even realising.

If you're someone who deeply values authenticity, this may feel a little uncomfortable but it’s real, and it’s backed by science.

Unconsciously, we mirror the people around us far more than we realise.

Our brains are equipped with mirror neurons, cells that activate both when we take action and when we observe someone else doing it. These neurons are the neurological roots of empathy, imitation, and social learning. In essence, your brain is wired to reflect what it sees in others.

You might have heard the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” While it’s not an exact science, there is research that supports this idea. With our brains so strongly wired for connection and survival, one of the oldest survival strategies is fitting in with the group.

This happens on three levels:

Emotionally – We pick up moods and attitudes. If your close circle is negative, critical, or stressed all the time, it affects your emotional state too.

Behaviourally – We mirror habits. If everyone around you is driven, creative, or disciplined, you’re more likely to adopt the same patterns.

Cognitively – We absorb beliefs. If the people around you think small, complain often, or don’t believe in change, that mindset can quietly become yours.

Maybe you’re not exactly the average of your five closest people. But over time, you do start to reflect the energy, values, and standards of your circle. That’s why one of the biggest steps in growth is choosing who you let close.

The Emotional Cost of Misalignment

Being with the wrong people can quietly dismantle your confidence, sabotage your growth, and make you forget how powerful you really are.

When you’re around people who question your vision or worth, your confidence slowly starts to erode. You stop trusting your own inner compass.

From all the painful experiences of being with the wrong people I learned this: the more you tolerate pain, the harder it becomes to take action. You get used to the discomfort. You start explaining it away, hoping things will shift. But they rarely do.

The longer you stay around people who don’t see you, who don’t value or understand you, the more you begin to question your own worth.

That’s why misalignment isn’t something to push through but something to recognise and act on. The longer you ignore it, the more it chips away at who you are. And the biggest damage? Your potential to thrive will substantially be diminished.

The longer you ignore misalignment in your relationships, the more you lose pieces of yourself.

As Toko-pa Turner writes in Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home,

“When we are not seen, our potential stagnates. The soul can only unfold when it is met.”

And this is why it’s important to surround ourselves with the right people, people who make our soul unfold.

We need people who see who we are. Because when we are truly seen, we begin to remember ourselves. And that’s where growth begins.

What Belonging Really Feels Like

The right people make space for you to be fully yourself. You feel more alive, more curious, more you around them.

That’s very different from someone who’s just “nice” or “friendly”. Think of it like food: even the healthiest food isn’t right for everyone. Same with people.

I’ve been in environments where people simply had different operating styles, goals, and expectations. That doesn’t make them bad, it just means they weren’t my people.

The right people are the ones who make us feel truly seen.

We call these people our tribe.

So, what is a tribe, really?

Sometimes it’s easy to think a tribe is just a group of people with shared interests or good vibes. But it’s not. And it’s not a group chat, a networking circle, or even a close-knit community, either. These are all nice to be part of, but they’re not necessarily your tribe.

A true tribe is a group of people who see the world the way you do.

They’ll help you see more clearly, trust more deeply and move forward with less fear.

They’re like lanterns, helping you see your path.

Image by yuehong Zhang from Pixabay

These people will allow you to feel most natural and fully yourself. They affirm your talents, inspire your growth, influence your thinking, and quietly drive you to become your best.

In their presence, you don’t have to try to belong. You just do.

They challenge you to be more of who you already are. That’s explains why, when you finally meet your people, you feel an immediate sense of home.

A true tribe is a group of people who see the world the way you do.

Five Signs You’re With The Wrong People

You feel drained after spending time with them
Whenever I spend time with the wrong people, I don’t walk away with this unexplained heavy feeling inside me. If you feel the same, and not able to pin it on something that happened or a conversation you had, maybe you've been quietly carrying the weight of pretending. It’s a kind of soul-level depletion. The kind where your body knows something's off long before your mind is ready to admit it.

You’re constantly editing yourself
Try to notice how often you’re filtering your truth, softening your edges, or swallowing your ideas to avoid tension. Walking on eggshells, shrinking your voice, or playing a role it’s exhausting.
If you find yourself doing this, then you are with the wrong people.

You don’t feel seen or celebrated
Have you ever been in groups where sharing a win feels awkward? It's in those moments that you can sense that people are more interested in who they expect you to be than who you truly are.

You start questioning your capability
The number of times I questioned whether I was just being delusional is honestly unreal. When you're constantly in the wrong environment, even your most powerful ideas start to sound silly in your own head.

You can’t talk about your future
This one is probably a very strong indicator that those people are not your people. If you have ever shared your goals with a circle just to be met with silence, sarcasm, or subtle eye rolls, run. It’s a sign that they don’t get you and your ambition feels like a threat for them. You need people who encourage your most outrageous dreams.

These are not small signs at all.

If you experience any of these, use the Hansel and Gretel method, turn them into breadcrumbs to help you find your you back to alignment.

A true tribe invites ideas, respects growth, and celebrates individuality. They co-create safety and progress. If you have to become someone else to stay accepted, that’s not your tribe.

Your tribe is the one where you can show up as your whole, evolving self and still feel home.

Your Circle Builds or Breaks Your Future

If you want to grow, change, or build a life that feels like yours, don’t just look at your goals, look at your circle.

Your circle shapes your emotional climate, your mental clarity, and your belief in what’s possible. The people you keep close either build your future or quietly sabotage it.

When was the last time you really looked at your circle?

Are you keeping relationships that are easy, conversations that stay on the surface, and connections that feel familiar but no longer feed you?

We all do it. But if you’re committed to authenticity and growth, it’s time to audit your circle:

Who brings light into your life? Who dims it? Who energises you? Who leaves you second-guessing yourself?

Find Your People

One thing that changed everything for me was becoming more intentional with my time. I started giving more of it to people who see me, the real me, even when I forget to see myself.

They challenge me, frustrate me sometimes, but they still clap. And I’m deeply grateful for them.

Unleashing your wildest dreams happens naturally when you’re with people who make you feel truly seen.

But how do you actually find your people?

It’s not always easy, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are five steps that get you closer to your tribe:

Look for People Who “Get” You
It’s not just about shared hobbies or surface-level similarities. It’s about shared values, emotional frequency, and unspoken understanding. The right people speak your inner language, they just get you, even when you’re not fully explaining yourself.
Pay Attention to Where You Feel Most Alive
Notice the spaces, conversations, and people that light you up. Where does time disappear? Where do you feel energised rather than drained? These moments are breadcrumbs, follow them.
Know What You Stand For
Before others can see the real you, you need to see it first. Clarity about your own values, beliefs, and what truly matters to you makes it much easier to attract people who are aligned and to walk away from what’s not.
Seek Community, Not Just Praise
A true tribe will celebrate your wins and lovingly challenge you to grow. They won’t just flatter you, they’ll help you stretch. Praise is comforting, but growth is transformational.
Be Willing to Go Off Script
Your people might not be in the places you’ve always looked. They may be outside your circles of origin, your workplace, hometown, or even your culture. Stay open to surprise. Sometimes the most aligned souls show up where you least expect them.

Keep an open mind!

The most important spaces you’ll ever protect are the ones inside
your mind and your heart. Share them with the right people.

In short:

Your brilliance needs the right context
Relationships are catalysts
Follow your energy
Stay curious.

Believe that when you find the right people, you’ll find parts of yourself you didn’t even know were missing.

News and offers corner

To find your people, you need to find yourself first.

Dr. Tasha Eurich is one of the world’s leading voices on self-awareness. Her research shows that 95% of people believe they’re self-aware, only 10–15% truly are.

That means many of us walk through life misunderstanding ourselves, our values, triggers, needs, and even how we come across to others.

So what does that mean when you're looking for your people?

If you don’t see yourself clearly, it’s much harder to be yourself. And if you can’t be yourself, how will the right people recognise you?

Without self-awareness, you might:

Keep choosing relationships that don’t serve you
Shrink to fit into circles that aren’t aligned
Confuse familiarity with belonging
Miss the people who truly see you because you're too busy trying to be someone else.

Bottom line is, you can’t attract the right people if you’re hiding who you are. And you can’t show up fully unless you know what you stand for.

This is why, I’m putting together a group of beta testers for my upcoming course: Self-Awareness: Build a Life That Feels Like Yours.

The course will help you build the inner clarity you need so you can lead your life with confidence, show up with authenticity, and recognise your true tribe when you meet them.

You can Join as a Beta Tester and enjoy all the benefits at no cost.

We’ll kick start right after the summer and some seats have already been taken.

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